Having a full range of emotions is part of the experience of being human. Happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiety, guilt, shame, contentment, unease (you know where I'm going with this, right?). Trying to suppress our emotions is akin to suppressing the waves in the ocean. Impossible. Yoga has...
Un-learning to rush
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Un-learning to rush
The summer between finishing high school and starting uni I worked as a waitress for the first time (and not the last!). It was as a waitress that I learnt to rush.
To do as much as possible in the shortest amount of time.
To multitask.
On my first day of the job I was told (as only a head waiter can tell a teenage waitress on her first day on the job) that I was too slow.
Way too slow.
So I cultivated the art of rushing. I learnt to move quickly between tables, wipe down benches with the greatest of speed, carry multiple plates with pockets full of cutlery and to talk people through the specials and take orders while pouring glasses of wine.
And I got pretty good of it.
Later at uni, and then later still at work, rushing around and multitasking was still seen as a positive thing. I was praised for getting so much done. ‘An ability to multitask’ was on job descriptions. My supervisors seemed to always be in the business of being busy (or, I suspect, looking busy). My diary was always filled up with loads of things to do, I made a point of filling it up. Being busy was a big part of my life without even realising it.
Being busy and rushing around are just so deeply embedded in our culture that we often don’t even question it. Even though our bodies aren’t meant to be in such a state of stress for long periods of time, and are often screaming at us to slow down, we just accept it as a normal state of affairs. Desirable even.
Being busy is tiring. And really, what is the point?
Why do we fill our days and hours and minutes with endless tasks. Do we REALLY need to be so busy?
What if we decided NOT to be busy?
If we chose un-busy over busy?
At the bank the other day, the teller said to me ‘busy day?’ When I happily replied ‘no,’ he said ‘oh, I’m sorry.’
Poor me for not being busy.
But NOT being busy is something I strive for. Frankly, after years of doing the opposite if doesn’t come very easily, but when I see blank pages in my diary, I smile. I feel the weight lift from my shoulders, and I feel free. When my friend calls me in the morning and asks if I want to meet up that I day, I love it I’m so un-busy that I can.
For me, being un-busy means not scheduling my days weeks in advance. It means eating meals slowly. It means choosing to go for a swim at the beach instead of working if it’s that kind of day. It means having a massage. It means spending a day without leaving the house once-in-a-while. It means stopping the ‘important’ things I’m doing to play with my kids.
I’m still learning. Unlearning the rush. And learning to be still. To be slow. To be present.
But I have a confession to make. Sometimes I actually like to be busy. I guess it’s all about balance.
But now when I am busy, I pause to breathe deeply into my belly and my body doesn’t kick into the stressed-out, fight-or-flight mode anymore. I can do busy without feeling rushed. On the days when I have a lot of stuff on, I can do it in a laid back kind of a way (mostly!) and still get just as much done.
And I have a lot more fun doing it.
What about you? Are you unlearning too? What does being un-busy mean to you?
I’m writing an online course that’s all about teaching yogic practices like belly breathing to help us find peace in the midst of a busy life (because let’s face, sometimes busy is inevitable).
Curious?
I’m still writing it, but you can find out a little bit about it here, and if you’d like to hear from me when it’s finished, sign up below.
Namaste,
PS: The beautiful tea cups are hand made by the very talented Kathrin Gatys
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The Gratitude Project. A video.
A couple of weeks ago the Uplift team and I gathered at The Farm in Byron Bay to create a video about gratitude. I put the invite out for people to come and sit on the gratitude bench and share what they're most grateful for. Even though I was there for the whole day of filming, I was moved to...
Lights, camera, action at the gratitude bench
It's that time of year again! World Gratitude Day is nearly here! One of my favourite days of the year! This very special day was first celebrated on the 21st of September 1965 and has been growing in momentum ever since. This year, we'll be celebrating with another 30 days of gratitude...
Lauren: Tell me a bit about yourself Matt.
Matt: My name is Matt and I grew up on the south coast of NSW. Some of my earliest memories are of splashing around at the beach and exploring micro worlds in the sand. I feel a constant pull back to that place and will end up there one day when the time is right. I currently live in the Blue Mountains of NSW, an equally beautiful place, with my wife, son, and baby daughter. I studied Asian Studies at ANU in Canberra and ended up living in Thailand on and off for a number of years. I think it was different ways of knowing and interpreting the same world which drew me onto that path. And the food.
Lauren: Why did you decide to join capturing gratitude?
Matt: Photography has been a hobby for many years so new ways of directing that passion is always welcome. As a family we were going through some pretty stressful times so I figured taking the opportunity to consciously focus on positive things, however small, will help buffer the stress a little. I was also keen to see what others were grateful for and their photographs.
Lauren: Tell me about one of the gratitude photographs you took during November for Capturing Gratitude.
Matt: I found myself mostly taking photographs of the natural world, finding in this comfort and peace. Something about the enormity and beauty of it all helps put things in perspective. The jacarandas were flowering when our baby daughter was born, so these hold a special significance now. The sun setting through the trees of our backyard is always a good time to sit and reflect on the day.
Lauren: How was this month for you? Did photographing the things you were grateful for change your life in any small or not so small ways?
Matt: All too often I think we take the good things in our lives for granted and focus too much on the negatives that can become overwhelming. So for me, photographing what I was grateful for was a conscious act that entrenched it more in my memory, rather than just having a fleeting thought come and go. So the term “capturing” works on two levels – securing gratitude on camera and in my mind. Now when I am feeling stressed at work, for example, I will think of one of the gratitude photographs I took and tune out for a moment. The photographs became a helpful device through which I could distill exactly what it is I am grateful for, rather than just vague notions.
Lauren: What role will gratitude play in your life from here on in?
Matt: Recognising and capturing gratitude will continue to give me perspective and balance in my life. While it won’t be daily, I endeavour to continue capturing my gratitude when it floods my mind. Over time I have a feeling I’ll be fairly well amazed at all the things in my life I am grateful for. And that in itself is a wonderful thing.
Lauren: Here’s your opportunity to share something close to your heart with, be it your business, your art, your poetry, your favourite cause or a charity. The stage is yours……..
Matt: Well, to choose just one thing… I am passionate about Citizen Advocacy, which is a form of advocacy aimed at improving the lives of people with intellectual disability through matching them with a suitable member of the community who chooses to stand up for that person’s rights and interests as if they were their own. It is a powerful and unique form of advocacy because it is based on relationship with one another, and these relationships can sometimes last a lifetime – something invaluable for people for whom often the only people in their life are people paid to be there (support workers and other professionals). It also brings people with intellectual disability living on the margins into the ordinary circles of community life, thereby building inclusion and strengthening communities.
Thanks so much Matt for sharing your gratitude journey, your photography and your passion. I so loved hearing about the way the project is still helping you to remember all that you’re grateful for, 6 weeks down the track.
Namaste,
Lauren: Tell me a bit about yourself Kari.
Kari: I am an artist, seamstress and mother to an incredible three-year-old boy. I am also a military spouse and have spent several years overseas, which was of course awesome.
Lauren: Why did you decide to join capturing gratitude?
Kari: I went through a kind of strange period (after recently moving back to the US) where I felt a lot of negativity coming from the world, specifically my acquaintances and coworkers. I was sympathetic towards others’ issues, but I couldn’t see how each person could truly not see how fortunate they were on a day-to-day basis. At one point I was made to feel guilty for sharing a positive outlook, which really reverberated throughout the rest of the times I felt thankful, even when kept to myself. A friend of mine saw me struggling with this and suggested I join in order to ‘surround’ myself with people who feel the same as me and are just trying to see the positive even in low moments.
Lauren: Tell me about one (or more) of the gratitude photographs you took during November for Capturing Gratitude.
Kari: The last one I used was a photo of my best friend’s kitchen. It was during a quiet moment after breakfast in a very chaotic couple of weeks. I have not spent much time here in the past because I lived so far away, but this and last week I was able to participate fully in her family’s life, with my son included. I am not here for fun, but to lend a hand during a very scary time. Even with less than ideal circumstances, I couldn’t imagine a better place to be than right here and now. Standing in her kitchen after taking care of ‘our’ family was really one of the most rewarding moments for me.
Lauren: How was this month for you? Did photographing the things you were grateful for change your life in any small (or not so small) ways?
Kari: This month was long and unexpected, and this project was really special to me throughout. I’ve taken photos of the small things for so long, but it was really nice to share them, and especially to see others’ photos and moments of gratitude. It gave me a brighter outlook on how people all around the world see life, which in turn made me feel MORE thankful for all the daily joys. It strengthened my resolve to keep looking for the positives. It pushed me to really sit in a situation and feel all the emotions until I found something to be thankful for, instead of just recording all regular ol’ good stuff that happens and glazing over the bad stuff.
Lauren: What role will gratitude play in your life from here on in?
Kari: Thankfully, the same role it has played for the past several years, to a greater extent. I was almost ready to keep grateful thoughts to myself, but sharing them really does bring joy to others, and it breeds more good thoughts. A positive, grateful attitude is contagious most days. I have also made a pact with myself to be grateful for the things I wouldn’t normally be for. Gratitude can teach you lessons and I intend on learning as many as possible.
Lauren: Here’s your opportunity to share something close to your heart with, be it your business, your art, your poetry, your favourite cause or a charity. The stage is yours……..
Kari: I am one half of a budding venture called the Art Barn Project. My half stems from a blog I started several years ago to record our stay in Germany, my family, and art (